How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
