highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my liver is dry heaving
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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