That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
