lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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