Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
