Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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