Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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