i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
