So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
