She just used a chaser for red wine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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