you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
