im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
