Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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