i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize