I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
