Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
