Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
only if we run a train.
done.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
