ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
