he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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