I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
