This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
