im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize