Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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