Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
