is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
