thus making me awesome and them whores
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
