i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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