Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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