Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
