Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
