maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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