If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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