what day is it and did you see me today?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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