if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
