well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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