Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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