He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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