I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Holy sore nipples Batman
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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