Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
