I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
