Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
