I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
