I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
