dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
