"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have fence marks all over my body
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
