Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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