The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
