I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
