Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
