Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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