Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
