omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Text me some of your sweat
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
