i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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