rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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