Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
