Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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