make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
