you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
