so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
