I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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