I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize