there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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