R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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