dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
