rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
