No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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