my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize