Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
