the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
