He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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